On Disappointment: Dealing with Selections

Eric Rush and I at Hong Kong Sevens

How have you dealt with setbacks in your rugby career in terms of injuries/selection disappointments?


Previously I wrote about dealing with injuries. I've been thinking about the selections aspect for some time. I've considered disappointments in terms of: not getting selected for tours/territorial teams, not playing on tours, playing a position other than the one I want.

The whistle blew. The final ended early and I would not get a chance to take the field. After the game and half a world a way, I was in the stall of a the women’s bathroom sobbing. I can recall the compassionate looks of the female workers as I emerged from the bathroom. We spoke different languages, yet they could sense something was wrong.

The day after the final, I saw an interview on CNN with Eric Rush, the Kiwi 7’s specialist. He talked about his experiences growing up playing rugby in New Zealand and was just as candid about disappointments and non selections as he was about his successes. His friends made age grade select teams earlier than he did. When he finally made his first select side team his father reminded him, “ It’s only one man’s opinion.” As great as it was to make that team this time around, someone else or even the same coach could have a differing opinion down the road. Listening to the interview was comforting. The next day I met and got to speak Eric Rush.

After that tour, I took several months off of rugby. Seeking answers I eventually called the coach to put some closure on that experience. In extreme cases, I have dealt with my disappointment by taking time off and taking stock of what I want from rugby. From that experience, I decided that if I were to play it had to be for the love of the game, first and foremost.

I have only taken time off in extreme cases. Otherwise, I generally deal with my selection concerns by talking to coaches and selectors. I want to know what they're seeing and thinking especially if there's something technical that I can work on. Often I find it's difficult to change others opinions. So the best way for me to deal is to just play.